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We members of the Pathogen Posse are a group of viruses and bacteria who cause disease, disability, and even death in those folks who are unlucky enough to contract us during the course of their lives. However, luck really has nothing to do with it in a lot of cases. See, we’re preventable diseases. Even Norovirus, for whom there is no vaccine, can be prevented through the use of proper hand washing and cooking of food.
So there really isn’t anything “unlucky”, per se, if you contract measles other than the “luck” in that the vaccine didn’t take (less than 1% of those immunized) AND someone with measles came into contact with you. That’s very bad luck right there, but it’s becoming more and more common. Rubeola thanks you for that.
Bad luck like that would be avoided, of course, if you just vaccinated the hell out of the human race. Unfortunately, you silly humans have decided that some of you are not as “worthy” as others, denying those deemed unworthy proper access to nutrition and medical care that could help them avoid us.
Anyway, the reason for today’s little manifesto is that we’re growing sick and tired of certain unmentionable people spreading some pretty damning lies about us. For example, a creepy bastard by the name of Robert Schecter has started the rumor that measles, the disease caused by our leader Rubeola, is nothing to worry about. People in Australia are being fed some heavy duty bullsh!t by the “Australian Vaccination Network” that whooping cough, the disease caused by Bordetella pertussis, doesn’t kill children.
LIES. ALL OF THEM.
Here’s the deal, folks. With us, with the Pathogen Posse, you know what you’re getting. We’re not going to lie to you. We’re not going to cheat you out of your most prized possessions. We’re not going to tell you that we’re all hunky-dory and nothing to worry about. We’re not going to try to be the new kids on the block and attract the attention of the anti-vaccine demigods people like Schecter, Taylor, Gordon, or Dorey worship.
We want you to worry about us. Hence the lack of Quack Miranda Warning from us.
We can give you disease like nothing you’ve ever seen. We can even kill you, given the proper circumstances. No politicking. No trying to sell you a book. We don’t care about so-called government conspiracies. Heck, we don’t even care if you vaccinate or not.
We’re pathogens, for crying out loud.
But we will tell you the truth. The vaccines you humans have discovered and developed ARE SAFE AND EFFECTIVE. Sure, they may not work in some cases or give some adverse reaction to others. On the grand scheme of things, vaccines will help you humans avoid a pestilence from us pathogens. Hand washing is not enough because Rubeola and Influenza are airborne. All it takes is a sneeze. Boiling water or purifying it is not enough for the same reasons. Having a proper sewer system will not keep you safe from us. And just ask early 20th century Americans how having a clean house worked out when it came to Polio.
So it’s very much your choice. Vaccinate and get rid of us, especially those of us whose only reservoir is you humans. Or don’t vaccinate and see us make a comeback that would make the 1993 Houston Oilers sweat profusely.
Your move, hominids. Your move.
Consider the following bit of stupidity:
One of the things that really gets our collective cytoplasm going (viruses and bacteria have no blood) is the assertion by anti-vaccine groups and people that death is the only measurable outcome of how bad a disease can be. Look at what the doctor wrote up there:
“The highest rate of meningococcal disease occurs in children under one year of age,” said Dr. Karen Midthun, director of FDA’s Center for Biologics Evaluation and Research.
Sounds scary, right?
But here’s what she didn’t say: The overall odds of dying of meningococcal disease are so low you’re more likely to be hit by lightning TWICE!
What a bunch of bullshit. That’s what it is, humans. It’s bullshit. E. coli over there says he’s been in better smelling bullshit than what this doctor has written.
We asked N. meningitidis what he thought of the doctor’s assertion and this is what he tweeted:
That insolent fool. Motherf*cker doesn’t want me, or he’d beg for treatment despite his “1 in 1 million” BS #vaxlies
The doctor played a nice game of “look only at the deaths” to attack a vaccine. But think of how many people (of all ages) would like to have been protected from meningitis? Because meningitis is a very serious disease that can not only kill, but, in our collective opinion, maim permanently. Some people are left limbless, with a lifetime of complications.
It is stupid, stupid, stupid to only look at deaths when talking about vaccine-preventable diseases, and that doctor should know better.
This baby didn’t die, so I guess it doesn’t matter to the good doctor that her life will forever be marked by meningitis:
We agree with N. meningitidis, he’s an assh*le.
Ren whipped up a google map of reported cases and outbreaks of measles in the United States and Canada. Check it out.
An employee at a mass transit station worked while infectious.
Guess who’s back? Back again… Measles’ back… Tell a friend!
The Rotary Club International is leading a fight against polio so that children like these do not have to go through this. Look at those children and tell us with a straight face that the polio vaccine is worse than the natural disease.
Thank you, anti-vaxers.
During a 2008 measles outbreak in Arizona, almost none of the patients seen at two Tucson hospitals with confirmed disease were appropriately quarantined, and about a quarter of hospital staff had no evidence of measles immunity, Sanny Chen, PhD, of the CDC, and colleagues reported online in the Journal of Infectious Diseases.
Measles is so highly infectious, that 95% of people who are not immune will catch it if they are exposed. How can they be exposed? By walking into an emergency room where someone with measles was sitting as much as two hours earlier. It lingers in the air. And it can make you very sick.